The sLayo Chronicles

Hello hi.

The Way We Were is a film that I first heard of about twelve minutes ago whilst watching the last episode of season two of Sex and the City. Let me just say that there will be another post dedicated to SATC because I don’t know what I expected from the title, but I have been routinely surprised with what has been on my laptop. I can actually feel it altering my brain chemistry as I watch it (which could be very bad, but will reflect on that once I’ve finished season six and the movies and the new show). 

Tangent averted, the title of this entry still stands. I am a Katie girl, and I’m finally content with that fact. Let me explain.

Now, I haven’t actually watched the film… maybe I’ll convince myself to do that after writing my initial thoughts and then interject with my secondary thoughts once finished. However! From what Carrie said, and the cute little Wikipedia synopsis I read about the plot, I don’t think it’ll be a movie I enjoy… so, we’ll see. To this day, I’m yet to watch it. To paraphrase the plot of the film (by my understanding), boy meets girl in college, they’re complete opposites (in temperaments and political views – which, personally, is not something I could let slide). Nothing happens, they graduate, reconnect, and then “fall in love” somehow despite their differences (swoon :|). Blah blah, they’re romancing. But oh no! The differences are too big, he cheats, and ends up with the less complicated girl, Carol that he cheated on Katie with. Sha, men can kill, but that is not the point of this post. 

Obviously, when I say I’m a Katie girl, I’m not confessing that I am a Marxist Jew. I’m very much so not either of those things. Being a Katie girl means being complicated. Not being the easy girl to date because there’s a lot constantly going on with you. Being multifaceted, though (admittedly) not always in the best of ways. I don’t know if this is pick me to say or ANTI pick me, but I don’t care. It takes a lot of energy and effort to keep up with a Katie girl. Carol girls are more (for lack of better word that comes to my mind right now) agreeable, but that’s absolutely not a bad thing. Carol girls can be a breath of fresh air; I used to want to BE a Carol girl. To be honest, there’s still a small part of me that still wants to be that girl. It’s not everyday be the main character and give main character problems. Sometimes have peace. I’ve always known that dealing with me takes a lot of effort; part of it comes from that fact that I need to feel appreciated and feel like there’s reciprocity (both platonically and romantically) when I care about someone. But that means that there is no time for mental relaxation, unless we’re physically relaxing (ie sleeping). Even then, I’m always looking to be stimulated mentally (hence why I have the craziest, most vivid dreams). In awake mode, this translates to having good, engaging conversation about both academic things and stupid things, and then also just making sure that emotional compatibility is there. A Carol girl could either be exclusively a listener, or a talker, making it easier for the other person in the relationship to figure out where they fit in. Katie girls, or at least THIS Katie girl, is both. I love to talk, but I also LOVE to listen. I listen actively, and will debate – am absolutely unafraid to let you know when I don’t agree with you or think that what you’ve said is silly. I’m honest, sometimes lacking in tact in my honesty, and may hurt someone’s feelings even if that’s furthest from my intentions. Katie girls are hard to understand and are unpredictable. Carol girls are not. That doesn’t mean they’re boring, I’m friends with Carol girls, trust me, they’re not boring, just take a lot less stress to understand.

All of these Katie characteristics may seem like good things, and they CAN be, but they can also make it hard for people to stick with us. I’ve grown to the point where I can’t even hold it against anyone. Everyone is going through their own things, their own Katie moments with themselves, and so dealing with another Katie is a lot to take on. Does it hurt less? No. Does it make you tougher? Yes. But 8 year old Layo definitely didn’t see it that way. 

I’ve never been exactly agreeable in my countenance. Even when being bullied at that age, something in my spirit just didn’t let me assimilate to make the people like me. 22 year old me knows that there’s nothing that you can do to MAKE everyone like you, but when you’re 8, in a new school, and the only black girl in the whole school, your brain will tell you to try. Try as my brain told me, I didn’t follow through with the actions. So yes, I would’ve loved to be a Carol girl in the moment, and just gotten along with the children of the rich people of Essex, but I didn’t. Was it worth it? I’m still figuring that out. 

As I grew up, I remained a Katie girl (obviously, still do), but I always had moments of longsuffering when my heart would wish I wasn’t so… complicated. When all of my friends in high school were experiencing their first kisses and first boyfriends, and I was just there witnessing like egg on bread. Not even French toast. HOVIS BREAD (for those of you not in the UK, Hovis is the Wonder bread of England. Think of Warbutons as the Villaggio). 

Now, if being a Katie girl only extended to romantic settings, it wouldn’t be enough of a thought for me to write an entire post about. Unfortunately for us, the principle of being a Katie or a Carol also impacts your friendships, which I think influences me significantly and has played more of a role in the reasons that I’ve wanted to be a Carol at times over the years. Finding one man that won’t kill you (physically or emotionally) from the many billions is not actually too scary a thought when put it into scale (though, with the state of the dating scene, I know that objectively I should be much more concerned than I sound at present). However, finding multiple friends (plural, capital F, proper noun) that tolerate you enough to overlook your fatal flaw and stick through your mess with you is… much more daunting. As single people, friends typically endure and overlook more than a partner you’re dating ever would. At least, I do with my friends. There are things that some of my friends do (not to me) that if my partner did them, to myself or another person, I would look at them sideways and rethink the whole relationship. But, because you aren’t going to marry your friends, create life with them (if that’s what you want to do), and raise a family with them, their slightly toxic ways or questionable decisions add to their allure. I have many associates, which most people would categorise as friends (I will get into how I personally differentiate at another time), but only three people I would call my friend (capital F, proper noun). Since I wrote this, another three people have been added, so we’re at six. Getting to six of them was somewhat of a struggle; they’ve all come from different periods in my life, and so none of them have met each other, but I know that if I needed them to come together to work something out with/for me, none of them would hesitate to do it. 

Back to my point, I also feel like being openly a Katie girl brings with it some jealousy. I don’t think this applies just to Katie girls though. Being openly either a Katie or Carol girl means you’re truly secure in yourself and thus confident, which is threatening to a lot of people. Confidence is sexy, and knowing yourself well enough to know your limits and boundaries and actually enforce them is even sexier. It’s also very intimidating to be assured of yourself in a world of people who are so lost. Does that make us extremist Katies and Carols better than everyone else? Yes. 

THAT’S A JOKE. Absolutely not. No one is confident in themselves and their decisions 100% of the time. We’re all just functioning enough for our confidence levels to look like ECG graphs; each person’s altitude just differs from one another’s. I’ll insert a picture of an electrocardiogram graph so you can see our PQRST selves.

Anyways, jealousy is a real thing, and not in a “oh, do whatever you want since you’re the main character and everyone is jealous of you” way. People can be threatened by others who mind their business and their business alone. I’ve experienced it, and because the chances of me having an original experience in my existence is slim to none I’m sure you have too. 

Where am I going with this? I’ve come to the profound realisation that being a Katie is a struggle. Having your own things going on or even just not interacting with others in a “normal” way, is hard. Though, as the grass is always greener on the other side, I’m sure there are distinct complications that come alongside being a Carol girl, too. I just want to identify with all girls (non-gendered, girl) out there; know that there isn’t a uniform “look” for the Katie (or Carol) girl, it’s a spectrum. Also know that there’s nothing wrong with being a Katie. It adds some pepper, nothing is ever boring with you, own it. The right people will come along, even if it doesn’t feel like you will find them. And for my Carol girls, salt may be colourless, but the world wouldn’t survive without its flavour. 

So finally for the question I’ve been dying to ask, what are you? A Katie girl or a Carol girl?

To help you maybe find similarities in yourself, here’s a list of people I don’t know (aka people in the public eye) that I think are Katie girls:

• Jenna Ortega
• Miuccia Prada
• Naomi Campbell
• Burna Boy
• Beyoncé
• RM from BTS (I don’t know anything about this group, don’t associate me with them but I’ll stick beside this point)

And here is a list of other people I don’t know that I think are Carol girls:

• Zendaya Coleman
• Tom Holland (yes, I think both of them are a Carol girl and that plays a part in why they suit so well)
• Drake (is a Carol that thinks he’s a Katie)
• Meg thee Stallion
• Janet Jackson
• Timothee Chalamet
• Lee Jong Suk

No, I will not explain.

That’s all.