The sLayo Chronicles

I had my first kiss when I was 18. It was in the second month of my first year of university in the bed of a boy who was (and, according to his ig that I checked before posting this to see if his ugly inside has caught up with the outside, unfortunately still is) facially beautiful.

I entered university as innocent as a white rose, so there was no ulterior motive on my end. I really thought we were going to chill and chat, and that I would go back to my friend’s room to sleep. We did chill, and we did chat, but he also kissed me a couple of times in the middle of the night and I slept in his arms. Tomato tomato. Looking back (and having kissed other people since then), this kiss wasn’t even good enough for me to have even considered enduring everything that I did.

The crux of the matter was that the only reason he was able to rope me into this situationship at ALL was because of how incredibly naive I was. I was a fresh 18 year old; I had never ACTUALLY had someone let me know I was “incredibly pretty” to them on a consistent basis, especially not a boy that looked like this one. It wasn’t even necessarily about the male validation, either, but rather the fact that someone I thought was attractive thought the same about me and didn’t shy away from that fact. This was the same man that had confessed to an entire room that I was the most wife material, would act like he was my personal bodyguard when we went out, and would FaceTime me randomly throughout the day. The bar hadn’t been strongly established yet. How was little old me, who rarely believed words when the actions didn’t match, and vice versa, supposed to believe that he meant it when he said he wasn’t looking for a relationship? His actions were GIVING relationship, and I couldn’t wrap my head around the concept that both facts could be true simultaneously. However, even all of these years later, I wouldn’t call the dynamic a delusionship, because he clearly liked me back, but I was in the throes of a canon event (sheltered girl x player boy situationship) and I didn’t even know there was weaponry involved until it was too late. Let me explain.

If you can believe it, I initially went to his accommodation building to revise. My friend had invited the rest of our friend group to study, and I WAS studying with them… until he asked to see me. The girls I was with basically bullied me (affectionately) into saying yes, because he and I had been speaking (I use the word very loosely) for a couple of weeks at that time. He had let me know that he liked me in a variety of ways prior to me agreeing to enter his residence after 11PM (which are very unserious hours. Nothing godly happens with the opposite gender after 9PM).

This boy was friendly. To everyone. It was a trait I really adored about him at first; he could get along with everyone. Even now, I don’t think it immediately to be a red flag, but there’s a lot of nuance that I’ve learned about the boundaries and reciprocal respect that necessitate being with someone like that. We started the year off as friends, pretty good friends. Well… pretty good associates, because he was definitely not a capital F, proper noun friend (I’m of the firm conviction that being friends with men you’d even remotely consider romantically is a faux pas). I had functioning eyes, so I could acknowledge that he was attractive, but it didn’t turn into attracTION until later. One of my girlfriends said they thought he was cute at the beginning of the year, so, being the master of minding my business that I am, I delegated myself to become a wingwoman and put any sort of attraction to the side. To this day, I will NEVER step on somebody’s toes for a MAN. I barely like them, despite their biological necessity. And whatever affection I have for any of them definitely isn’t enough to fight another girl for one. The thought makes me want to vom. Especially considering I firmly believe that what’s meant for people will come to them no matter what. Anyways, fast forward, that friend realises he doesn’t reciprocate the feelings, and loses interest. He then starts to subtly let ME know that he’s interested. I asked the friend if she’d be upset if I entertained it, and she said no, so I started on my merry way.

One thing about this story? God really said “this is a canon event for her, I shan’t allow ANY parties involved to interfere or hinder it taking its full course,” even though there were MANY toll bridges. Everything was going decently until the first time I asked him what he’s looking for. He tells me, “I’m not looking for a relationship.” I say okay, because nothing notable had happened between us. The dynamic at this point could be described as overtly attentive friends, so I believed him. However, I also believed that should he change his mind, he would act accordingly. Imagine my shock when he acted accordingly and yet STILL didn’t want a relationship, but I digress.

Now to introduce the biggest set of toll bridges: the other woman. Reflecting on this part always makes me laugh because she was really friendly with me before she made me her adversary. As in, took me to lunch friendly. I remember there being a games night early on at which I noticed a vibe between her and him. Because we were friendly, and I don’t have energy to step on toes, I asked her if anything was going on between them before I went home that night. She said no, that they were just friends. Toll bridge crossed; I believed her and continued with him.

The night of my first kiss, I was on his phone (choosing music) and saw a text come in from her asking if he wanted to come over because she had cooked. There is so much I could say about this – it was almost midnight when the text came through – but I shan’t. Choosing to become a uni wife willingly is not something I will judge on the internet. Obviously, I thought it was a little weird that she was texting him at that hour, but in first year I was a very trusting person. She told me they were friends, so, in my head, they were friends. I did, however, note the little weirdness in my head, but said nothing. Spoiler alert for my kdrama watchers, she was basically asking him 라면 먹고 갈래 x (which translates to “do you want to eat ramen before you go?”)

I remember them having an argument at one of the events we were at a few weeks later. By this time, it was pretty established in our friendship group that there was something transpiring between him and I. The argument between them looked… heated, and so I asked him whether there was something going on between the two of them. If he’d have said yes, I’d have cut my losses. I liked him but I wasn’t attached at this point. Did he say yes, though? No, he didn’t. So now both of them had told me that nothing was happening bar friendship. I had no choice but to believe them.

Audience, do you think it categorises as “only friends” if you’re having sex?

In light of my reassurances, then entered stage left my expectations. He continued being a doting… whatever he was; we’d go out and our involvement became more noticeable to people outside of the friendship group. One distinct example of this is when I was dancing with my friends at a club night (having fun as you do) and he just stood there a little ways behind me, watching, tiny two-step so as not to look like a statue. I went to the bathroom and a girl stopped me to ask if he was my boyfriend. Even then, I wasn’t silly enough to claim a man that isn’t my boyfriend, so of course I said no. She said something along the lines of, “Amazing. I think he’s really cute and want to move to him, but the way he’s been staring at you all night gave me boyfriend vibes so I needed to ask”. That was the public energy he gave. The private energy was double that, and so I came to the (evidently illogical) conclusion that he’d changed his mind about not wanting a relationship. With that change came expectations (that I never communicated, mind you), that privately he met. He made me comfortable enough to chat to him aimlessly about anything: our upbringings, fears, future plans (though not with each other LOL). I even gave the boy German lessons because he asked (which I have video evidence of somewhere and is still a core memory because of how much fun it was).

Everything was going relatively smoothly. I remember one night he came to mine and we talked for hours. He then turned the light off for us to sleep and threw me over his shoulder to carry me to bed in the darkness. Being a tall girl all years of high school, I had NEVER in my LIFE experienced such. Experiencing a man manoeuvring me so easily was insane. I’d be a big fat liar if I said I didn’t swoon. He trapped me. I was trapped. AND HIS MOVES WOULD’VE CAUGHT YOU TOO.

We fell from grace FAST. Everything came crashing down around me; I felt like I was in that episode of Sonny with a Chance where So Random made a fake club to make Chad Dylan Cooper jealous and the walls fell down. He and I ended it for our own reasons; I don’t care to go into detail, but the general summary of it is that it got to a point where the perfume didn’t mask the smell of the poison anymore. I deserved better; I wasn’t going to continue arguing with a man that I’m worth them not wasting my time. I deserved someone that I trusted and I realised that he just… wasn’t that. I’d asked both him and the other girl once more (EACH) if something was happening between them, and they’d each said no. That’s a total of four times I asked them. Four toll bridges with them ALONE. Four times they collectively lied to my face. All of that time and energy wasted because they were having sex almost the ENTIRE time he was involved with me. I found out a few days after I ended it, which was the cherry on top.

I was later told (by someone I considered a friend but was in fact, his friend before mine) that the only reason he was FWBs with her was because I wouldn’t have sex with him (we thank God for religious abstinence).

The other girl pounced on the opportunity to rub it in with me gone. We all still ran in the same general circles (it was first year uni, so I couldn’t particularly escape it). I would see her (and him) when we went out, and it was clear that she didn’t feel the need to be civil now that she had “won” him. I didn’t even know I was fighting a battle until she started gyrating on him two feet in front of me at a club less than two weeks after I ended things with him, whilst making full eye contact with me and smirking. Frankly, there are few times that I have felt more like a main character in my life.

My funniest memory of the whole thing? Afterparty-gate. He’d injured his leg and didn’t come for the actual event, but he showed up to the after party, crutches and all. She was there, too, and I remember going to the bathroom because I was annoyed he had said hello to one of my friends next to me and completely ignored my existence (mannerless behaviour considering I wasn’t the one at fault). I came back to see him on the dancefloor with her, struggling to whine (because of the injury and her stiff waist), CRUTCH IN THE AIR AND ALL. I laughed and went home. He’d later tell me that he didn’t say hi to me because he “wasn’t wearing his glasses”. I was told they dated for a few months after my situation, but ultimately didn’t work out.

Now for the craziest part of the story: the continued one-sided beef that happened after the fact. My entire situation began and ended with him in first year. I didn’t put any thought towards it after the party in Feb. Towards the end of the year, a certain friend group started acting really bizarrely with me, but I didn’t care because we weren’t friends. I simply wondered what their problem was. In second year, I came to find out that she had been slandering my name in the free time of her (very strenuous) full time degree whilst dating him. She went around telling girls that EYE was the homewrecker. According to her story, she and him were in a relationship (capital R, proper noun, ™️) when I started talking to him at the beginning of first year, and, despite knowing this, I still pursued him. It’s one of those situations where your only option is to laugh, because PARDON?

From this I’ve learned a few things:

• Always take the word of a man that has anything negative to say about himself. “I’m not looking for a relationship” “I have a lot of red flags” “I’m not right for you” “You’re too good for me”. I’M GOING TO TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT. This isn’t a Colleen Hoover book
• If you sense weird vibes between a man and his girl “friend” that persist after raising concern with it, exit. Pronto. 2024 is the year of trusting your gut
• Don’t teach people your favourite languages
• Don’t make unnecessary journeys with the gender you’re attracted to past 10PM unless they’re ensuring you get HOME safely before they journey back to their own abode
• Men that have the opportunity to leave you alone when they know you fundamentally don’t align will NOT leave you alone. This could’ve all been avoided if he’d just left me alone. The same could be said for me, but I actually didn’t know better. I was a silly somebody. The me of today wouldn’t have entertained it from “I’m not looking for a relationship”
• A guy’s friends are HIS FRIENDS FIRST. His boys knew about him having two girls, and would still give me advice because I thought we were friends, too. Those people are not your friends.
• People can do you wrong and then paint you as the villain when you distance yourself. The audacity to act as if I distanced myself because I’m silently holding a grudge? No, we’re over and I just don’t want to be around you because you’re not a good person. Thanks, management

That’s all.